Dear Answer Guy,

Every time I boot the Internet, it says "You've got mail." So I go outside to check my mail box, but it's empty. What's the deal?

-Fatigued in Falmouth

Dear Fatigued,

I have always wanted to find out how much nutrients there in a cubic light-year of bacon. I searched Wolfram Alpha for the answer. Alas, Wolfram did not know.

Then I replaced bacon with ham, and searched again. Lo and behold, Wolfram Alpha came up with the answer.

I don't fear God
It's the people who created him that scare me

You can buy this bumper sticker here.

Historical note: I posted this photo some time ago and then Veracium went under taking my post with it. Now that the site is back up, I am posting this here again.